OK, I can understand if you clicked on the “My Abs” link once, like, by accident or something. But now it’s clear you’ve done this twice—on purpose.

This changes things. No, I’m not mad. I’m not even worried that you’re a perv anymore. That’s established. That’s, like, 100 percent clear.

Now I’m more worried that you don’t understand how the internet works—that you don’t understand there are millions of other websites you could visit to find that kind of thing. Or that because of some strange kink you’ve come to the website of a writer.

Or maybe, you’ve already been to all the other websites, which is even scarier.

I’m not really sure what to say or do right now.

How’s this…if I show you my abs, will you promise to either get professional help or learn how to use the internet?

OK, deal.